I'm going to list and describe them all here, so you can decide for yourself whether, and which of those natural methods could be appropriate (helpful) for you. Don't feel bad if for any reason you find it too difficult to follow any of my suggestions. Remember that you are unique, therefore what might gave me splendid results, doesn't necessarily mean that it has to be your "path" as well. The best path that there is -- is to follow your own heart. Your heart speaks to you through your feelings (sensations in your gut), so whatever you read, if you have a strong feeling that it sounds true (for example: you tell yourself in your mind; "That's what I always thought!") -- then that is what you should pick.
Also, it's good to remember that this guide has nothing to do with self-improvement, even if it might seem like it does. I don't like that expression 'self-improvement' anymore. As I continued with my journey towards the recovery from chronic depression, I started to understand better that there really isn't anything that we should, or have to improve about ourselves! I understand now that there is nothing, and never was, anything wrong with us. Our depression is a perfectly normal, and even perfectly healthy response to everything that has been happening in our lives, and around us. Unfortunately we've been told, often from very early on, and often by the so called professionals, that we weren't "normal." And so we believed everyone else, except ourselves. We believed our society, we believed perhaps even our own family, that our behavior, personality, our characteristics -- everything about us -- was not "appropriate." We even started to believe that the labels, which were prescribed to us, such us "mentally ill", "mentally disordered" were there to identify us, so we could be helped. Nothing could be any farther from the truth though. If we examine closely the number of the 'success stories' of the so called "mentally ill" (depressed) patients being permanently cured by the so called "mental health establishment," then we can see for ourselves how futile this labeling and those type of tactics derived from it, really are.
With that being said, I believe that in order to overcome depression, we must indeed change the world we live in. I know -- it seems easier said than done, but it really isn't that hard. We create our reality - our world - on a daily basis anyway, whether we are aware of it, or not. So why not putting some effort into creating the type of reality that will suit us the most?
The other thing I want to point out here is that throughout reading my posts, you might notice that sometimes I may seem to contradict myself. I may say things like "Happiness is found inside only, don't look for it outside of yourself." Then in the same paragraph you'll see me saying: "To get rid of depression - change the world that surrounds you." I know it can be very confusing. It can generate frustrating questions such as; "So which one is it then? Do I have to renounce the world outside of me to be happy, or do I have to change it?" Well, the answer is - both. Let me explain. Duality exists in the Universe we live in, whether we like it or not. In that aspect, things are never just black and white. Universe doesn't function the way we've learned to function. As the Buddha once said, there is no North or South in Heaven. We, the humans, have made it up, so it can be easier to move around, to function. Same way, to the Universe, what we consider to be 'the right thing' and 'the wrong thing' simply does not exist! In the eyes of the Universe there is only, that which -- is. The Universe does not judge, only we; humans do. The Universe has no preference, only humans do. The Universe (referred by many as God) merely responds, like a loyal servant, to our preferences! It always gives us exactly what we ask for, even before we ask for it. The reason it might seem to us not to be true, is not because it isn't, but because of something else. It's because for the majority of us, our lives are being run by our subconscious minds. And any times the subconscious is in charge, we know very little what exactly it is that the subconscious mind believes in. And if we know very little what those beliefs are, how can we change things, if the world (including ourselves) is created with our deepest thoughts and beliefs?
So let me clarify here; I may say sometimes "Do this" and "Do that," and those suggestions may seem to be the exact opposite. That is because in my new world, in my new understanding there is no black and white, you could say that there is only everything in between. There is no right or wrong, there is only that which is. In my understanding, all, what we consider 'good things' can cause harm (evil), and all what we consider 'bad things' can equally cause something good, such as healing for example.
So it's important to put the judgment, which we are so used to, aside. It's important to remember, that each and everyone of us has its own Truth, - the only real truth. The only difference is, not everyone has founded it, yet. So then my truth doesn't necessarily has to resonate your truth, and vice versa. If it does, - great, but if it doesn't, - great as well. You are the only one who can determine what is your truth, I am merely here to help you, to assist you with making such decision. You might turn your back and decide that everything I write is crap, and that's great too; 'cause my "crap'" helped you establish what your truth is not about....
So let me clarify here; I may say sometimes "Do this" and "Do that," and those suggestions may seem to be the exact opposite. That is because in my new world, in my new understanding there is no black and white, you could say that there is only everything in between. There is no right or wrong, there is only that which is. In my understanding, all, what we consider 'good things' can cause harm (evil), and all what we consider 'bad things' can equally cause something good, such as healing for example.
So it's important to put the judgment, which we are so used to, aside. It's important to remember, that each and everyone of us has its own Truth, - the only real truth. The only difference is, not everyone has founded it, yet. So then my truth doesn't necessarily has to resonate your truth, and vice versa. If it does, - great, but if it doesn't, - great as well. You are the only one who can determine what is your truth, I am merely here to help you, to assist you with making such decision. You might turn your back and decide that everything I write is crap, and that's great too; 'cause my "crap'" helped you establish what your truth is not about....
As far as my beliefs that we find true happiness only within ourselves, and that we cure depression through also changing the world we live in... Well, to me, both beliefs are not exclusive. I was able to learn to depend only on the happiness that comes from within me, regardless of the circumstances. That didn't stop me though from creating my world (including myself) exactly they way I've always wanted to be! I didn't have to retrieve to some secluded mountain. I didn't have to renounce the pleasures offered by the external world. I just had to learn not to depend on it, that's all. I just had to remember that nothing in this world is permanent, that everything constantly changes. So if the 'good' doesn't last, so does the 'evil' passes as well. And I'm here just to observe it, not to judge anything or condemn.
And if for thirty something years, I've experienced a constant misery (created by my subconscious mind), then in the world where the opposite can exist, -- I know it is possible for me to experience a constant bliss, peace and joy (created by my conscious, awaken mind).
So, here are some of the the steps I took (consciously) and applied to my life, which led me to where I am now: (I'll start with the toughest ones, then it gets somewhat easier, I promise)
1. Helping someone and doing it without expecting anything (whatsoever) in return
As I described in my book, I went to Africa, to help few homeless children, even though I had no money whatsoever. I had to beg strangers (literally) for the money so I could buy the airline ticket (one - way 'cause it was cheaper). I went to Kenya on my own, without having the safety cushion offered by some charitable organization, without a return ticket, without the anti-malaria shots, and all that. I won't say more here because I don't want to spoil the book for you, in case you want to read it. The important part here is that helping those who had even less than I did (those homeless children could not travel the way I could, no matter how much they would beg for it) -- that such helping initiated some huge transformation within me.
My world, almost literally, seemed to have turned upside down. My belief system started to change in a lightening speed. With all that transformation that was beginning to take place within me, the outside world I found myself living in, started to make sense. I started to see connections between things the way I wouldn't even imagine possible before. I started to notice that I wasn't helping someone else, -- I was helping myself! The outside world started to reflect that. It was as if the Universe started to repay me for what I just sown.
Even though I left Kenya after 2 months, and even though it took couple of more years to finish what I started there, I know that this experience contributed (maybe even the most) towards my recovery from depression. It initiated new transforming events within me and my life as well.
2. Practicing forgiveness and acceptance
This step was a really difficult one, in fact, the most challenging. However, it was the most effective with fighting my depression and with transforming my life. I've practiced such forgiveness once before (and I had positive results) prior to my trip to Africa. But nothing had set "the engine rolling" for me, the way it did, when my husband had to spend 4 long months in jail.
Thanks to a friend, who offered me a book on Buddha's teachings, in those difficult times I was able to remember the importance of forgiveness. I had to forgive the "justice system" for taking my husband away for no good reason. I had to forgive our landlord for stressing me out about the unpaid rent, and for eventually, on my husband's return, giving us no choice but to sleep in our van. I had to forgive my husband, for making me feel completely abandoned, even though I knew there was absolutely nothing he could do to change that. For having to spend our first anniversary separate. For having to stress out daily on how to feed myself and our fur-kids. Indeed, I had a lot of forgiveness to do. I had a lot of hurt, anger, and hatred that needed to be let go of.
By accepting fully everything that was going on, by not trying to resist the reality, I was able to complete my forgiveness. The sense of peace and tranquility, as well as the improved external circumstances started to take place within just few months from it.
3. Becoming a vegan and doing it for the right reasons
While being all alone, and while waiting for my husband to be released from jail, I decided to become a vegan. I've arrived to this decision thanks to that same friend of mine who gave me the book, which helped me with forgiveness. She was in fact the only person that stood by me in those tremendously difficult times, in which I was "visited" by my "old friend;" - my suicidal thoughts,- more than once. She helped me understand that even more important than becoming vegan, is why it is important that we do so. She gave me yet another book to read, called "The World Peace Diet," which totally changed my perspective not just on the meat and dairy industry, but on the society and the world we live in, in general.
I've been a vegetarian before, on and off, but this time I chose to become a vegan (no meant, no fish, no diary products, no eggs, no leather clothes etc.) for the right reasons. I didn't become vegan because of the concern of my health. The health benefits derived from a vegan diet, I consider a bonus. I became vegan to stop my participation (even if "just" indirect) in the cruelty against the innocent and defenseless animals (all animals).
Was it difficult to cut all that meat and cheese out of my diet? You bet it was! Was is challenging to shop in the supermarket for anything to eat, especially on such limited budget? You guessed it right again... But all that inconvenience was a really small price to pay, compere to the price that those poor animals pay everyday. The price of freedom, which is taken away from them, without their permission. The price of having to watch their own babies being jerked away from them, so they wouldn't drink their milk, so we - "humans" - can have a sip of their milk with coffee in the morning. The price of having to live in some congested areas, away from the sun, only to know that their entire existence depends on, not if, but - when - we decide to terminate it. I sure as hell wouldn't like to live, knowing that I'm only good to others when I'm dead, when others can eat my flesh.
So then why would I want to create such horrific reality for anyone else? Or why would I expect to be perfectly happy, to be depression-free, if I continued to contribute towards the creation of these more than just depressing, but even appalling circumstances for other beings?
With my new way of living, things started to change even more rapidly. The more I ate fresh fruits and vegetables, and the more I ate them raw, without processed food, the more I started to notice that my level of awareness kept increasing. My intuition, which I consider to be the language of my Soul, started to be even more keen than it was before. My brain started to function in a new, much sharper way. My mind started to see the connections between things that I would had never even consider to look at! The world finally started to look a lot brighter, and everything started to make sense.
Inspired by those positive changes, I decided to take it even farther. I decided to go organic! And so I stopped buying anything that might even contain the GMO's (genetically modified organisms). Holly cow, if I ever thought that it was difficult to shop while being vegan, try shopping for GMO-free produce in this country (USA)!!!
So, my future goal is to grow my own food, but until then; I'd rather eat less, if I have to, instead of putting a poison ( 'cause that's what GMO is) into my body.
4. Reading about inspirational stories, and or, watching on TV inspirational movies based on true stories
Throughout my depression it was pretty hard to read, but what was easy for me, was to watch TV. I found out quickly that watching movies, that are based on true stories, was not only entertaining, but it was also giving me a strength, which I desperately needed to continue on with my life. Seeing how others were able to overcome their biggest challenges in their lives, served me as a guide, and it showed me that I could do the same. My motto became; "If they could do it, so can I!"
In our house, for a good period of time there was nothing else to be watched on TV. The "estrogen channel" (referred in a cynical way as such by my patient husband,) dominated our household, often driving my spouse insane. The only shows that could yield to those 'true movies' were the ones that made me either laugh, or left me amused. From watching the endlessly amusing reality shows, I learned what not to do, and what not to be like. I learned also not to be so quick to judge. I've "seen" myself more than often in others that were part of those reality shows.
I purposely stayed away from anything that was negative and depressing, such as the News. Apart from that time when the presidential election was approaching, I avoided the News the way devil (if he existed) might try to avoid the holy water.
I still don't watch the main stream News, since I believe that the main broadcasting agencies are owned by few corporations, whose sole goal is not to inform, but to influence others, and therefore to have a control. But to talk about my perspective on politics and how the government functions, I would have to write a different post, I guess. I won't contaminate this one with it.
5. Taking home a homeless kitten, and or a homeless dog
There is nothing in the world quite the same, as to know that because of your existence, and because of your doing, someone else's life is much better. That if you didn't exist, someone else (be it a dog, or a cat, or a goat) wouldn't be as happy. It is very crucial though to treat those animals as equal to us, human beings, because they are. We do a tremendous disservice to them, and to ourselves, when we start looking at them as "pets." They're not ours! We do not own them, even if considered legally, may be so. You cannot own someone else's Soul, which is there to roar free, and animal's Souls are just as real, and just as untouchable as our own. Animals, - all of them - are our gift, but not to be eaten or used, but to be celebrated. I believe that animals exist so we wouldn't have to feel so lonely on this planet.
My 2 German shepherds (one of them still missing, click here to find out why) and all of my 4 cats, are not my pets. They are my fur-kids, if you will. They are not just my companions. They are the best spiritual guides I could ask for! Through watching closely and observing my dogs and my cats, I continue to learn about myself. The relationship I have with them shows me the kind of relationship I have with myself. If I am patient and loving with my kitty that just happened to pee all over my bed (cats do that to let us know that something bothers them) then it means that I am also patient and loving with myself. If I consider their natural needs, and I build them a tree to climb, it means I am considering of my own needs as well. If I neglect them by ignoring them or their natural needs -- it means I'm neglecting my own self, and my own needs as well.
If I am committed to my animals, and I take them with me everywhere I decide to move, it means I am committed to myself. It means I don't abandon myself when things get tough. And so on, and on...
Sometimes it's really hard to see ourselves, and so our relationships with others (including animals) are the best mirror in which we can see the reflection of ourselves. Am I kind and loving, am I considerate and compassionate, or am I the opposite? Are there some things I need to work on? My animals always tell me the truth....
6. Getting good sleep and taking 'power naps'
OK, if you're depressed, then you know that getting a 'good night of sleep' is not an easy thing to do... You also know how important it is for your recovery though, that you do get deep rest while sleeping. I've tossed around in bed for many, many years before I was able to conquer this issue. What helped me with it, was applying the steps I described above. Particularly forgiveness and acceptance are the best "sleeping pills" I could had ever asked for. And I don't have to be afraid of the accidental overdose from it... You won't get any more 'natural' way of fighting depression, than that!
When you wake up all tired, in pain, and you're all cranky, because you weren't able to sleep well, -- good luck with feeling anything but being depressed.
There are 4 components that help me assure a good rest at night. All 4 of them have to be combined, in order to be effective:
1 -- I cannot allow myself to worry anymore. Worrying does never resolve anything, it only keeps us awake, or half a sleep at night.
2 -- I cannot allow myself to get upset anymore. Getting upset does never resolve anything, it only postpones us from finding a solution, which often isn't even needed in the first place. Often everything is, and was just fine, and we got upset for nothing. Plus getting upset also keeps us awake, or half asleep at night. Additionally, as I found out first hand, getting upset creates bladder problems. Yep, when I stopped my habit of getting upset, I immediately noticed not just that I was sleeping better, but also that my overactive bladder stopped being overactive! What a relief. Only a person who knows what it feels like to have a constants need to urinate, and to have a painful sensation while having to postpone the trip to the bathroom, knows what I'm talking about...
My not getting upset should not be misinterpreted as putting up with crap. Not getting upset doesn't mean to allow others to walk all over you. In fact, since I started to practice not getting mad, I started to articulate myself better than I've even done before! I became more assertive than I've ever been. It's really hard, if possible at all, to be assertive, and to let someone know not to cross the line, when you're boiling inside. When you're depressed, it means that the healthy boundaries in your relationships have been broken, and have been overstepped by others, more than once. It means you feel (righteously so) enraged by that. But you can't repair those boundaries by yelling and by getting all worked up. You repair them with your assertiveness, with your calmness (while remaining firm), and with your compassion.
3 -- If it doesn't come to me naturally, for whatever reason, I force myself (if I have to) to focus on what I am grateful for. When I shift my focus onto things I'm thankful for, (that includes being thankful towards my own self) - I noticed it is virtually impossible to stay mad at anything or anyone. Gratitude, besides calming my nerves, also speeds up the frequency of the energy, which forms me and the world around me. Thus gratitude speeds up the process in which the desired physical "things", such as circumstances for example, "appear" in my life. It's always a win-win situation when it comes to choosing gratitude.
4 -- Acceptance. I believe that this is THE most important aspect of this 'method.' Without fully accepting everything, everyone, including myself for what it is, -- all that not getting mad, not worrying, and being grateful, seems to be pointless. I've done all the other 3 steps, without accepting everything the way it was (in other words; I kept wishing that things would change), and I still couldn't sleep well. My bladder kept disturbing me; I still had to urinate every five minutes. Once I added the acceptance to the equation, I started to sleep like a newborn.
Acceptance means love. With all this experience, I started to understand what the phrase from the Bible meant; "If I had everything in this world, if I did all kinds of charitable deeds, if I prayed on my knees every day, and if I still had no love in me, -- I'd be nothing but an empty vase......"
'Power naps'
Especially while going through depression, and while doing all these kinds of new changes, I found that taking as many 'power naps' as necessary is highly beneficial. Our body and our mind can get very overwhelmed, very quickly when we throw so many new things at it. That would explain why babies need to sleep so often. Well, it's the same thing when you're trying to overcome depression. You're making all these changes, which are not only new to you, but also very difficult, so you need to rest your mind as much as possible.
7. Discovering your own desires and fulfilling them
I don't know you, but when I was depressed, I had no clue as to what was it exactly that I wanted from life. Sure, I knew I wanted a home filled with love, and that I didn't want to have to struggle, and all that. But if someone would have asked me specifically; "What would you like to do with your life? What is is exactly that would make you feel fulfilled and happy? And what do you think, you could do to make that happen?" -- then I'd just scratch my head, without knowing what to say.
Since I was little, I knew exactly what I had a passion for, what I loved doing the most, but then, with the painful events that took place in my life, I lost all that knowledge. The longer I continued to stay depressed, the less clue I had as to what I wanted, and don't even try imagining if I knew how to get it...
With my depression, I had lost something priceless: -- I had lost my ability not just to identify my deepest desires, but also I had lost my power, which comes with knowing that you can be, and you can do indeed anything you've ever wished for!
How did I regain my power then? The steps I described above led me towards this self-empowerment. Helping others, even in the smallest ways. Forgiving everyone and everything, and accepting it without any reservations, without trying to force a change. Replacing fear with love. Becoming a vegan. Caring for my fur-kids.
All that was great, but to me, food, was one of the biggest tools, which I used in awakening my dreams and desires. Food wasn't always just something that I loved throughout my life; food was something I was addicted to! I was, what you would call; an emotional eater. Particularly cheese, sugar and any carbohydrates were my choice of drug. Anything that would frustrate me, would get "resolved" by my trip to either the refrigerator, or the kitchen's cabinets. I was well aware that sugar, in particular, was only masking temporarily the symptoms of my depression, and that in reality it was actually contributing big time to my mood swings, but what was I supposed to do? It was "fixing" the problem at least for an hour, wasn't it? That was better than nothing. Plus, - eating, rather than being bored to death, - also seemed more logical.
So what made me change my self-destructive eating habits? Becoming a vegan, and eating organic produce. With making such (difficult) decision, I started to eat consciously. I started to take pride in my physical body, while starting to take such good care of it. My body became more than just an instrument that carries me around, -- my body became my temple.
At the very beginning the 'junk food withdrawals' I was experiencing were super intense. That is when the 'power naps' came really handy... But I learned something incredible through these withdrawals. I observed that while I wasn't numbed by that junk food anymore, while I was in so much pain, craving it like crazy, - I was finally able to see very clearly what was it that I wanted! I was able to identify my dislikes, and therefor my likes (desires) as well! Not just that; now that I knew what I wanted, I also had a clear mind telling me what it is that I needed to do to obtain it! It just doesn't get any better than that...
8. Making peace with depression, - seeing depression from a different perspective
Accepting depression (making peace with the fact that it's gonna be there for a while, before it can be completely released) was an absolutely crucial part of my recovery from it. As I described in one of my previous posts, we cannot change something that we resist. In fact, the more we try to resist it (trying to change it by force, at any cost) -- the more it will persist (continue to affect us).
I know it can get really confusing. It was for me too. Again, this is because of our old way of seeing things as black and white, left and right, etc. It made me almost pull my hair out of frustration. I was like: "God, so do I have to stop trying to get better then? Do I have to accept this depression, and live depressed like this for ever? So then what good would this acceptance do? Why would I have to even bother making peace with something I've hated all my life?" It took awhile until I understood what it meant to accept my depression, and to stop hating (resisting) it. Finally, what I did; - I copied my own previous tactics of forgiving others (and myself) and I started using those same tactics with the forgiveness towards my depression. I kindly explained to myself that for the time being, until the forgiveness (acceptance) was completed, I would still have to continue feeling depressed. I had to have faith, that my depression would let go of me indeed, once my hatred towards it was gone completely. And it did!
What helped me with the acceptance was my new way of viewing my depression. Here is a more descriptive post about it that I wrote: 7 Secret Facts No One Tells You About Your Depression
9. Developing, and practicing even a more compassionate way of being
This one was a big one too, in treating my depression. OK, - if you have read my book, or if you saw my video from Africa (on the About page,) then you'll agree that I've always been a pretty compassionate person. Well, turned out, that wasn't enough... To cure my depression I had to learn to be compassionate not only towards people who happened to be less fortunate. I also had to learn to be compassionate towards everyone else! Even the "jerk" that just cut me off on the freeway, or even the psychiatrist whose arrogance had hurt me in the past, - all those people deserve our compassion. We don't really know what's behind the person's 'social mask.' How can we tell, if someone who's being rude to us, hasn't been suffering for a very long time? We really can't. When we look at everyone through the eyes of compassion, is when we start loving everyone unconditionally. And when we love everyone - we love ourselves! And vice versa; - when we truly love ourselves, we love everyone!
Like the Buddha said: "If you truly loved yourself, you could never hurt another."
When we start loving ourselves, for real, we stop hurting ourselves and others, by using harmful judgment especially.
10. Actually doing everything it takes, and not just dwelling on it
The final step for me was to actually start implementing everything that I've learned over the course of my life, instead of just keeping on dwelling on it. When I reached the point where I could no longer continue to live the way I was doing, I was ready to 'roll the sleeves' and to start getting dirty. I begun to put into daily practice everything that I've learned from the books and from my own life experiences. It was time for me to stop indulging myself with the thinking, and to start doing all that I've been thinking about all those years.
I would tell myself: "OK Elzbieta, it's time! Like they say; knowledge is like a paint, - it's useless, until applied."
So, I'll leave you here with yet another quote by Buddha: "However many holly words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you, if you do not act upon them?"
Throughout my depression it was pretty hard to read, but what was easy for me, was to watch TV. I found out quickly that watching movies, that are based on true stories, was not only entertaining, but it was also giving me a strength, which I desperately needed to continue on with my life. Seeing how others were able to overcome their biggest challenges in their lives, served me as a guide, and it showed me that I could do the same. My motto became; "If they could do it, so can I!"
In our house, for a good period of time there was nothing else to be watched on TV. The "estrogen channel" (referred in a cynical way as such by my patient husband,) dominated our household, often driving my spouse insane. The only shows that could yield to those 'true movies' were the ones that made me either laugh, or left me amused. From watching the endlessly amusing reality shows, I learned what not to do, and what not to be like. I learned also not to be so quick to judge. I've "seen" myself more than often in others that were part of those reality shows.
I purposely stayed away from anything that was negative and depressing, such as the News. Apart from that time when the presidential election was approaching, I avoided the News the way devil (if he existed) might try to avoid the holy water.
I still don't watch the main stream News, since I believe that the main broadcasting agencies are owned by few corporations, whose sole goal is not to inform, but to influence others, and therefore to have a control. But to talk about my perspective on politics and how the government functions, I would have to write a different post, I guess. I won't contaminate this one with it.
5. Taking home a homeless kitten, and or a homeless dog
There is nothing in the world quite the same, as to know that because of your existence, and because of your doing, someone else's life is much better. That if you didn't exist, someone else (be it a dog, or a cat, or a goat) wouldn't be as happy. It is very crucial though to treat those animals as equal to us, human beings, because they are. We do a tremendous disservice to them, and to ourselves, when we start looking at them as "pets." They're not ours! We do not own them, even if considered legally, may be so. You cannot own someone else's Soul, which is there to roar free, and animal's Souls are just as real, and just as untouchable as our own. Animals, - all of them - are our gift, but not to be eaten or used, but to be celebrated. I believe that animals exist so we wouldn't have to feel so lonely on this planet.
My 2 German shepherds (one of them still missing, click here to find out why) and all of my 4 cats, are not my pets. They are my fur-kids, if you will. They are not just my companions. They are the best spiritual guides I could ask for! Through watching closely and observing my dogs and my cats, I continue to learn about myself. The relationship I have with them shows me the kind of relationship I have with myself. If I am patient and loving with my kitty that just happened to pee all over my bed (cats do that to let us know that something bothers them) then it means that I am also patient and loving with myself. If I consider their natural needs, and I build them a tree to climb, it means I am considering of my own needs as well. If I neglect them by ignoring them or their natural needs -- it means I'm neglecting my own self, and my own needs as well.
If I am committed to my animals, and I take them with me everywhere I decide to move, it means I am committed to myself. It means I don't abandon myself when things get tough. And so on, and on...
Sometimes it's really hard to see ourselves, and so our relationships with others (including animals) are the best mirror in which we can see the reflection of ourselves. Am I kind and loving, am I considerate and compassionate, or am I the opposite? Are there some things I need to work on? My animals always tell me the truth....
6. Getting good sleep and taking 'power naps'
OK, if you're depressed, then you know that getting a 'good night of sleep' is not an easy thing to do... You also know how important it is for your recovery though, that you do get deep rest while sleeping. I've tossed around in bed for many, many years before I was able to conquer this issue. What helped me with it, was applying the steps I described above. Particularly forgiveness and acceptance are the best "sleeping pills" I could had ever asked for. And I don't have to be afraid of the accidental overdose from it... You won't get any more 'natural' way of fighting depression, than that!
When you wake up all tired, in pain, and you're all cranky, because you weren't able to sleep well, -- good luck with feeling anything but being depressed.
There are 4 components that help me assure a good rest at night. All 4 of them have to be combined, in order to be effective:
1 -- I cannot allow myself to worry anymore. Worrying does never resolve anything, it only keeps us awake, or half a sleep at night.
2 -- I cannot allow myself to get upset anymore. Getting upset does never resolve anything, it only postpones us from finding a solution, which often isn't even needed in the first place. Often everything is, and was just fine, and we got upset for nothing. Plus getting upset also keeps us awake, or half asleep at night. Additionally, as I found out first hand, getting upset creates bladder problems. Yep, when I stopped my habit of getting upset, I immediately noticed not just that I was sleeping better, but also that my overactive bladder stopped being overactive! What a relief. Only a person who knows what it feels like to have a constants need to urinate, and to have a painful sensation while having to postpone the trip to the bathroom, knows what I'm talking about...
My not getting upset should not be misinterpreted as putting up with crap. Not getting upset doesn't mean to allow others to walk all over you. In fact, since I started to practice not getting mad, I started to articulate myself better than I've even done before! I became more assertive than I've ever been. It's really hard, if possible at all, to be assertive, and to let someone know not to cross the line, when you're boiling inside. When you're depressed, it means that the healthy boundaries in your relationships have been broken, and have been overstepped by others, more than once. It means you feel (righteously so) enraged by that. But you can't repair those boundaries by yelling and by getting all worked up. You repair them with your assertiveness, with your calmness (while remaining firm), and with your compassion.
3 -- If it doesn't come to me naturally, for whatever reason, I force myself (if I have to) to focus on what I am grateful for. When I shift my focus onto things I'm thankful for, (that includes being thankful towards my own self) - I noticed it is virtually impossible to stay mad at anything or anyone. Gratitude, besides calming my nerves, also speeds up the frequency of the energy, which forms me and the world around me. Thus gratitude speeds up the process in which the desired physical "things", such as circumstances for example, "appear" in my life. It's always a win-win situation when it comes to choosing gratitude.
4 -- Acceptance. I believe that this is THE most important aspect of this 'method.' Without fully accepting everything, everyone, including myself for what it is, -- all that not getting mad, not worrying, and being grateful, seems to be pointless. I've done all the other 3 steps, without accepting everything the way it was (in other words; I kept wishing that things would change), and I still couldn't sleep well. My bladder kept disturbing me; I still had to urinate every five minutes. Once I added the acceptance to the equation, I started to sleep like a newborn.
Acceptance means love. With all this experience, I started to understand what the phrase from the Bible meant; "If I had everything in this world, if I did all kinds of charitable deeds, if I prayed on my knees every day, and if I still had no love in me, -- I'd be nothing but an empty vase......"
'Power naps'
Especially while going through depression, and while doing all these kinds of new changes, I found that taking as many 'power naps' as necessary is highly beneficial. Our body and our mind can get very overwhelmed, very quickly when we throw so many new things at it. That would explain why babies need to sleep so often. Well, it's the same thing when you're trying to overcome depression. You're making all these changes, which are not only new to you, but also very difficult, so you need to rest your mind as much as possible.
7. Discovering your own desires and fulfilling them
I don't know you, but when I was depressed, I had no clue as to what was it exactly that I wanted from life. Sure, I knew I wanted a home filled with love, and that I didn't want to have to struggle, and all that. But if someone would have asked me specifically; "What would you like to do with your life? What is is exactly that would make you feel fulfilled and happy? And what do you think, you could do to make that happen?" -- then I'd just scratch my head, without knowing what to say.
Since I was little, I knew exactly what I had a passion for, what I loved doing the most, but then, with the painful events that took place in my life, I lost all that knowledge. The longer I continued to stay depressed, the less clue I had as to what I wanted, and don't even try imagining if I knew how to get it...
With my depression, I had lost something priceless: -- I had lost my ability not just to identify my deepest desires, but also I had lost my power, which comes with knowing that you can be, and you can do indeed anything you've ever wished for!
How did I regain my power then? The steps I described above led me towards this self-empowerment. Helping others, even in the smallest ways. Forgiving everyone and everything, and accepting it without any reservations, without trying to force a change. Replacing fear with love. Becoming a vegan. Caring for my fur-kids.
All that was great, but to me, food, was one of the biggest tools, which I used in awakening my dreams and desires. Food wasn't always just something that I loved throughout my life; food was something I was addicted to! I was, what you would call; an emotional eater. Particularly cheese, sugar and any carbohydrates were my choice of drug. Anything that would frustrate me, would get "resolved" by my trip to either the refrigerator, or the kitchen's cabinets. I was well aware that sugar, in particular, was only masking temporarily the symptoms of my depression, and that in reality it was actually contributing big time to my mood swings, but what was I supposed to do? It was "fixing" the problem at least for an hour, wasn't it? That was better than nothing. Plus, - eating, rather than being bored to death, - also seemed more logical.
So what made me change my self-destructive eating habits? Becoming a vegan, and eating organic produce. With making such (difficult) decision, I started to eat consciously. I started to take pride in my physical body, while starting to take such good care of it. My body became more than just an instrument that carries me around, -- my body became my temple.
At the very beginning the 'junk food withdrawals' I was experiencing were super intense. That is when the 'power naps' came really handy... But I learned something incredible through these withdrawals. I observed that while I wasn't numbed by that junk food anymore, while I was in so much pain, craving it like crazy, - I was finally able to see very clearly what was it that I wanted! I was able to identify my dislikes, and therefor my likes (desires) as well! Not just that; now that I knew what I wanted, I also had a clear mind telling me what it is that I needed to do to obtain it! It just doesn't get any better than that...
8. Making peace with depression, - seeing depression from a different perspective
Accepting depression (making peace with the fact that it's gonna be there for a while, before it can be completely released) was an absolutely crucial part of my recovery from it. As I described in one of my previous posts, we cannot change something that we resist. In fact, the more we try to resist it (trying to change it by force, at any cost) -- the more it will persist (continue to affect us).
I know it can get really confusing. It was for me too. Again, this is because of our old way of seeing things as black and white, left and right, etc. It made me almost pull my hair out of frustration. I was like: "God, so do I have to stop trying to get better then? Do I have to accept this depression, and live depressed like this for ever? So then what good would this acceptance do? Why would I have to even bother making peace with something I've hated all my life?" It took awhile until I understood what it meant to accept my depression, and to stop hating (resisting) it. Finally, what I did; - I copied my own previous tactics of forgiving others (and myself) and I started using those same tactics with the forgiveness towards my depression. I kindly explained to myself that for the time being, until the forgiveness (acceptance) was completed, I would still have to continue feeling depressed. I had to have faith, that my depression would let go of me indeed, once my hatred towards it was gone completely. And it did!
What helped me with the acceptance was my new way of viewing my depression. Here is a more descriptive post about it that I wrote: 7 Secret Facts No One Tells You About Your Depression
9. Developing, and practicing even a more compassionate way of being
This one was a big one too, in treating my depression. OK, - if you have read my book, or if you saw my video from Africa (on the About page,) then you'll agree that I've always been a pretty compassionate person. Well, turned out, that wasn't enough... To cure my depression I had to learn to be compassionate not only towards people who happened to be less fortunate. I also had to learn to be compassionate towards everyone else! Even the "jerk" that just cut me off on the freeway, or even the psychiatrist whose arrogance had hurt me in the past, - all those people deserve our compassion. We don't really know what's behind the person's 'social mask.' How can we tell, if someone who's being rude to us, hasn't been suffering for a very long time? We really can't. When we look at everyone through the eyes of compassion, is when we start loving everyone unconditionally. And when we love everyone - we love ourselves! And vice versa; - when we truly love ourselves, we love everyone!
Like the Buddha said: "If you truly loved yourself, you could never hurt another."
When we start loving ourselves, for real, we stop hurting ourselves and others, by using harmful judgment especially.
10. Actually doing everything it takes, and not just dwelling on it
The final step for me was to actually start implementing everything that I've learned over the course of my life, instead of just keeping on dwelling on it. When I reached the point where I could no longer continue to live the way I was doing, I was ready to 'roll the sleeves' and to start getting dirty. I begun to put into daily practice everything that I've learned from the books and from my own life experiences. It was time for me to stop indulging myself with the thinking, and to start doing all that I've been thinking about all those years.
I would tell myself: "OK Elzbieta, it's time! Like they say; knowledge is like a paint, - it's useless, until applied."
So, I'll leave you here with yet another quote by Buddha: "However many holly words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you, if you do not act upon them?"
Photo taken by Pam Davis
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7 comments:
Hi Elzbieta,
I love your post, so much of it sounds like me. I love how you turned to helping others and how in the end you realized you were helping yourself. I had this happen to me as well and didn't even realize that as I was helping others that I was in turn helping myself. Again, like you I try not to watch the news it can be a negative but I often find news on Facebook due to scrolling down the newsfeed and sometimes click on links I know I shouldn't. There is so much to learn in life and I do believe depression happens to us all, it is an emotion and we can get through it. Great post, I have taken so much away from it. Thank you!
Thank you Tanisha. I'm very glad you found it useful. And thank you for sharing your thoughts. :)
Hi,
It takes courage to write like that, to express with such heart and self-trust, its truly a blessing hearing this from another one's mind, another's one way of seeing it. I suffered briefly with depression, but anxiety is what really took a toll on me, but I find often they are holding hands. This was ready refreshing to read. It almost makes me what to go through what you've been through to come to the same realization... that's how beautiful it sounds. You really seemed to have captured the true message here, and not just this one post. There were multiple signs each reflecting one suffering, and you concurred all, with grace and honest understanding. Self-honesty is a necessary element to recovering from such mental and physical discomfort. Everything has a reason to "be", just like we ourselves have a reason to "be", and the funny thing is they are the same, just that one is oppose pointing in the right direction.
Anyways, I really enjoyed reading the few posts I have read so far :)
I really thought that the only cure for my depression was death. I tried self-medicating, the outward hate and anger (trust me, I would curse like a pirate given the slightest provocation), sex, alcohol, the anti-depressants, I tried it all...Then one day I realized that I was not ill. It was the world that was ill ....Very ill...But yet I suffered; I beat myself up. I hated myself so much. Finally I took to bed and spent three years there. Six months ago I finally crawled out (only because I had to, my husband’s employment had been terminated. I was forced to get a job) I was forty years old. I was shocked. I compared my life to others my age, or worst decades younger, and was grief stricken. I am writing this at work, where I have existed in a fearful state. Each day that I don’t break down in tears, or rage, or quit, I regard as GREAT accomplishment. I am an Administrative Assistant working under people almost half my age. I use the word “working” loosely cause in actuality I troll the internet looking for help. ALASSSSSSSSSS…… I have found it…. Thanks EELZBIETA… For the First time in my entire life, I see depression not as an illness, something that I need to cure. I see it not as something that is wrong with me, but almost as something that is missing in others… It is a nudge (wish it would be gentler at times) to remember our purpose…You are a godsend….plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz keep writing….Your words are th
we, you are super sweet!!! And I'm sure that your depression had a lot to do with making you this way.... You would not have been as incredibly passionate, understanding, sweet, deep and all that if you didn't go through what you had to go through. But now it's time for you to finally let go of that burden, and to start shining like a true Light that you are! I am super happy to know that I can be of any assistance. You are really special. And oh by the way, cursing is good... it's very therapeutic...yep, when you read the book you'll see plenty of F words... :)
I write as a sign of gratitude to God, i am really happy to be alive today and see the break of another day, I lived and suffered with TBI for a very long time after I suffered a terrible crash, I was shy and couldnt say it out because of ego issues. I suffered in silence till I was able to get herbal products by DR Jose Alessio, and with his drugs, prayers and instructions I was treated and now i am a happy survivor! pray to God and follow the instructions of Dr Jose, he has the perfect solutions for Schizophrenia,Traumatic Brain Injuries, Delusions, Brain cancer, Aphasia, Autism, Psychosis and any brain related ailment, you name it!. Do not wrestle with death on your own, contact him joseherbals28@gmail.com
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